Cutting Edge

For most of my life, I have hated my hair. In kindergarten, it was big and fuzzy. In high school it was short, dark, and curly when everyone else was long, straight, and blond. After each baby it has gone straight on top and flippy underneath. Then the curl comes back in a modified form. It's exhausting trying to keep up with what is happening on top of my head.

In its defense, I have never spent much time learning to do hair. The fact that I have four girls is a prime definition of the word "irony."

And, really, I don't want to think about my hair all that much. To me, it's like thinking about my weight or my tan. I just don't have time for stuff like that. And I live in one of the more remote parts of the country; no one here cares.

But every few months I start to obsess about my hair. And this week I couldn't stand it anymore. I have been to a total of 8 hairdressers since I moved here four years ago. Not a great track record, but it's not my fault. Overcharging, filthy language ("Can you believe that the *&$%# army wouldn't take my son just because he had 24 DUI's?"), cigarettes in the salon (seriously, we're remote), and one mullet have made me suspicious and cynical. So cynical that I canceled an appointment last week because of the girl's name.

That's bad.

But I got really desperate. Desperate enough to call someone I just met and schedule an appointment to go to her basement salon yesterday. Her basement.

All day I prayed and prayed that it wouldn't be a disaster; I mean, how many more places can I try before I start to get a reputation?

And guess what? It turned out okay!

She covered my grays (hooray!), and, for good measure, slabbed a little dye on my brows before I could say anything. It freaked me out (I looked just like Adam Lambert) but it looks better now. She told me it would mean that I don't have to use my eyebrow pencil.

"Oh good," I said, trying to sound like I knew exactly what an eyebrow pencil is and how it is used.

Then the scissors started flying. I had waited so long for a cut that it looked like one of those old cartoons with hair going everywhere. She seriously cut off an entire head of hair. But I love the results.

Mom, just look... at... my... bangs!