They're Coming For Me

Finally, last Saturday, I was able to run without fearing for my life.

That sounds a bit dramatic, but if you've ever disturbed a red-winged blackbird in the spring, you will understand.

And I don't just disturb one. On my morning running route, I pass at least three nests. Nests with VERY protective parent birds. The very sound of their call makes my heart start pounding and my eyes dart suspiciously around. If I so much as see their red epaulets, I consider darting into traffic to avoid them.

I have tried everything to get them to leave me alone: waving like a lunatic, yelling, barking, hissing (I was trying to think of what would scare them), imitating them (thinking that I could confuse them), and clapping loudly until my hands are numb.

Nothing works.

Here is a clip of what it looks like when they attack. It's not very interesting or funny, but the interesting/funny videos also contain obscenities at high volume, not suitable for a "family" blog.

Now, imagine that it's 5 a.m. and you're all alone.
You hear that single-note call.
Then you realize that it's coming from right above your head.
There is no escape; the bird is airborne and will give chase.
It swoops and gets your hair.
You scream like a little girl and run, waving your arms and trying to maintain a visual on the attacker which is swirling around you. This means that you are running and spinning at the same time.
Then it happens again, at least two more times before you get home, disheveled and telling wild stories.

Now you see why Saturday was the day that I anticipate all year. The birds are still there, and my heart still starts pounding when I see them. They still call out with that one blasted note, but it's just a taunt. They watch me pass now, giving me evil looks with their little beady eyes.

Maybe next year, I'll start running with a tennis racket.